The Art of Nonviolent Communication: A Guide for Parents
Nonviolent communication is a powerful tool that can help parents build stronger relationships with their children. It's all about understanding and expressing our needs and feelings effectively, without resorting to judgment or criticism.
Understanding Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent communication involves four key steps: stating your observation, expressing your feelings, connecting your feelings to your needs, and making a request.
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State your observation - This involves talking about facts without judgments. Instead of saying, "you don't respect me," you could say, "yesterday and today you didn't wash the dishes and didn't make the bed as we agreed." This is a fact that the other person can agree with.
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Express your feelings - The next step is to express our feelings. For example, "when you do that, I start getting angry, it saddens me."
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Connect feelings to needs - Behind these feelings, there is always a need. It is not about the partner washing the dishes or taking out the trash; the need can be to feel heard, to feel love – everyone has their own.
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Express requests - This should involve a specific action, not be abstract. Saying "stop bothering me" is not a request. A normal variant would be, "I would like you to turn off the game now, and we can go do the things we agreed on."
Benefits of Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent communication teaches us to recognize our needs and the needs of others. When we abandon labels and judgmental judgments, we find that other people, just like us, have feelings and needs.
Practicing Nonviolent Communication
Practicing nonviolent communication can be challenging, but it's a skill that needs practice. In family counseling, I suggest a shorter way. Imagine there's a conditional line between you and your partner: there's you, and there's me.
In certain conditions, the idea of nonviolent communication may seem utopian. We constantly cross each other's boundaries without even realizing it. For example, in a work environment, there is usually criticism, clear demands that must be met, and a manager can order a subordinate to do something. But even in these conditions, communication can be nonviolent.
Conclusion
The essence of nonviolent communication is not just about speaking giraffe language (expressing your needs and feelings in an environmentally friendly way) but also about translating jackal language into giraffe language. It's crucial to pay attention to how a subordinate reacts to criticism from a manager. The behavior and words of others can trigger our emotions, but we are responsible for how we respond.
Nonviolent communication is a powerful tool for parents. By practicing these steps, you can build stronger, more understanding relationships with your children.
