Empathy or Sympathy?
In the realm of nonviolent communication, the distinction between empathy and sympathy is pivotal. Marshall Rosenberg, a renowned author on the subject, provides valuable insights on these contrasting approaches.
The Essence of Empathy
When we employ empathy, we strive to resonate with the individual's emotions, aiming to comprehend the unfulfilled needs that trigger these feelings and behaviors. Empathy is about immersing ourselves in their experiences and sentiments, demonstrating our understanding while keeping the focus on them.
Sympathy: A Different Approach
Conversely, sympathy revolves around us. We express our own feelings that the situation provokes, uttering phrases like "I feel so sorry for you," or "I'm sad that this happened to you." Here, the focus diverts from the other individual to us, which can potentially exacerbate the situation rather than alleviate it.
The Power of Shared Experiences
Many can relate to the tendency to suppress our emotions during challenging times, apprehensive that sharing might impose a burden on our loved ones. This is unfortunate, as sharing a problem can significantly lighten its load. Everyone needs a strong connection with others, a safe space to share their concerns and worries.
Learning to Empathize
Learning to empathize, to momentarily set aside our feelings when our loved ones share their problems, is crucial. Acknowledging our emotions is essential, but we must remember that expressing them might not benefit the other person. It's okay not to react perfectly; what matters is striving to respond empathetically. The more we practice, the better we become.
Applying Empathy in Parenting
This principle is especially applicable in parenting. Children are exceptionally perceptive; if we overly worry about them, they can sense it, leading to an array of potential outcomes. They might suppress their emotions, or their behavior might escalate, creating a feedback loop that needs parental intervention.
The Key to Empathetic Parenting
The key to empathetic parenting lies in understanding that such "support" doesn't foster healthy parent-child relationships. Genuine empathy is about remaining calm and accepting the child's feelings. It involves being present, acknowledging their emotions, and providing a safe space for them to process their feelings. With children, it means enduring their traumas and excitements calmly, demonstrating your confidence in their ability to overcome it, normalizing all child emotions, and showing that they don't overwhelm you. By doing so, you reassure your child that they can handle anything, just like you can.
