Attachment Theory: Creating the Bond with Our Children

Attachment is not just crucial for our children, but for us as parents too. It makes the task of raising and caring for them easier, more enjoyable, and instinctive. Our attachment to our children motivates our efforts, and we find ourselves responding to their needs almost automatically.

The Power of Infant Attachment

Consider infants: their tiny hands, sweet cheeks, and the tender touch of their skin. Their trusting eyes and their complete dependence on us—it all seems designed to bind us to them. Our eyes light up with love at the mere thought of them, and we are ready to respond to every whimper they make. This creates the invitation that our little ones need.

The Challenge of Attachment with Teenagers and Preschoolers

Teenagers, with their odd words, peculiar clothing, and dismissive attitudes, can make maintaining this attachment challenging. Even younger children, like preschoolers, can evoke similar feelings. They can take care of themselves but still ask for help, beg for toys every day, and don't listen. It's easy to forget that they still need us, just as much as they did when they were infants.

Breaking the Vicious Cycle

We need to break this cycle. We need to keep adding fuel to our attachment to our children, ensuring that the fire of our love never goes out. We need to see their fears and immaturity behind their behavior, and remember how much they will need us in their lives at any age.

Ways to Strengthen Your Attachment

Here are some ways to strengthen your attachment to your children:

• Smell their heads while they sleep and gaze at their carefree sleeping faces.
• Recall their early years, look at their baby photos and videos.
• Collect their gifts for us in a box and examine them from time to time.
• Find our childhood photos and marvel at how much our children resemble us in childhood.
• Do things together that fulfill both of us, things that unite us.
• Share memories and inside jokes.
• Plan for the future.
• Share secrets.
• Organize family celebrations or just have a picnic on weekends.
• Watch a movie or cartoon from our childhood together or read our favorite book.
• Create and maintain family traditions.

By investing time and energy into supporting our attachment to our children, we can improve our relationships with them. Our children haven't really changed, but our perception of them can. With a little effort, we can rediscover the joy in parenting and strengthen our bonds with our children.